Back to the Derby Part Two

Noel and I made I-35 from Highway 20 (which we hit coming out of Waterloo) in 50 minutes. Since this usually took me over an hour to make, and with about 1 hour and 20 minutes to cover about 60 miles, I began to get giddy. We were going to make the match on time.

The combination of that knowledge and the emergence of the evening sun out of the rainclouds that blanketed the north turned my attention to the bout itself.

What would it be like? A friend of mine who attended the Cedar Rapids Roller Girls bout told me that it was, in his words, kind of lame but added that a) he didn't have the greatest of seats and b) the beer was a bit pricey. I suppose the combination of those two things could make a lame night out of anything.

Still the question lingered, would it be lame?

In my previous post I mentioned that the incarnation of Roller Derby that the Dames play is different from previous editions. While the kitsch is in the names and the outfits, the actual competition is real. These women would be taking the floor without any idea of what was going to happen- for good or for ill. The ill showed up in the Dames' inaugural match as Dames founder, Show Stopper, was seriously injured in the bout against the Old Capital City Roller Girls of Iowa City. I cannot remember which foot was injured but it looked pretty serious.

Since the action was real, would it be timid, especially in light of such a serious injury?

Our high speed sprint down I-35 placed us in the parking lot of the Val-Air at 7:10 p.m. What Noel and I saw there surprised us. The parking lot was full. People were tailgating. Both of us agreed that this was cool. We also agreed we had to haul ass to get inside the building out of legitimate fear that it sold out. Fortunately, we got tickets.

Stepping inside, I saw the track boundary laid out in the center of the decent sized wooden dance floor. Unlike the roller derby I had been accustomed to seeing, this match would be done on a flat track.

The absence of a banked track had the possibility of slowing the overall speed of the game. On the other hand it paved the way for Suicide Seating. This wonderful bit of news was provided to Noel and I by Dames bench coach Squirrel Ex Machina- thus ending the debate about where we were going to sit.

The first team on the floor was the aforementioned River Valley Rollergirls from the Warsau-Schoefield, Wisconsin area. They were dressed in orange tops and came equipped with such wonderful names as Coochie Carnage, Gun Metal Grace, team leader Hether Skelter and the Eradiskater.

Then came the Dames, who were led out by the Isiserettes, a completely kick ass drum and dancing group that had so much soul, phat beats and energy that they could probably power a high octane rave all by themselves.

The incredibly impressive full color program contained what we would be in for.

There would be two 30 minute periods separated by a half time.

Both teams would field five girls. Two of them would serve as Jammers, recognizable by the star on their helmet. These two would be the only ones who can score points. The first jammer to break through the pack is awarded the status of lead jammer- the most powerful woman on the floor because she has the option to call off a jam at any point she so chooses before the two minute jam is over. The jammers can only score points on the second lap around the pack. Points are acquired when these jammers pass a member of the opposing team.

From my vantage point in the Suicide Seats, it looked like the Jammers started about 15 to 20 feet behind what is called the pack. At the lead of the pack are two girls, one from each team, known as Pivots, recognizable by the stripe on their helmets. These Pivots control the pace of the pack.

Behind the pivots were the blockers, three from each team. These women serve offensive and defensive purposes simultaneously. Offensively they have to navigate their jammer though the pack. Defensively they have to block the opposing teams jammer from breaking through.

A brief demonstration was exhibited for the audience prior to start of the match. This was done half-assed by both teams and understandably so. Both teams were ready. I was ready. Ready for whatever.

Besides the chaos of the first jam, which threw me for a loop at the simultaneous action of it all, the first person Noel and I noticed was a jammer that called herself Stella Italiana. The announcer mentioned that she had a background in speed skating. This experience manifested itself almost immediately. This Stella Italiana does not skate- she floats. Time after time throughout the course of the evening her navigation through the pack left  Noel and I slack jawed At times she seemed to almost turn herself into a liquid substance to escape the waiting arms and bodies of the River Valley blockers only to emerge on the other side of the pack.

The second thing we noticed was the ease at which the Dames were racking up points and the difficulty that River Valley was having acquiring their own. Not only that, we noticed that many of the Rollergirls were being sent to the penalty box. Once there was as many as four. Throughout the night, especially in the early stages of the match, there were sights of upraised arms begging the officials for an explanation and one particular exasperated "What the fuck did I do?!" coming from Road Block of the Rollergirls.

Later at the after party we found out why. It had nothing to do with the quality of the players on the Rollergirls squad. They were simply out of their league- literally. The ladies explained to us after the game that they are what is called a "renegade" team. Renegade appears to be a form of Roller Derby that is far more physically aggressive and far less structured by rules than the World Flat Track Derby Association game that the Dames play under.

The physical nature of the match was made manifest almost immediately. On the first jam, Rollergirls leaderHether Skelter appeared to have bent her right pointer finger all to hell. Coochie Carnage, one of the frequent visitors to the penalty box was seen moving her jaw back and forth in obvious pain, trying as hard as she was to mask it.  She stayed in the game.

As the game progressed the Rollergirls obviously began to feel more at home in the WFTDA format. points from jammers, such as the tenacious Sammi Tsunami, were becoming more frequent but by that time the Dames were far out of reach. Final Score 223-88.


Note: As I write this, it is 11:20 at night. There is more that I would like to say, but wouldn't do justice to those words and these women if I continued tonight. I'll try to wrap it up tomorrow. Sorry about that.