January 8th: Quad City Rollers Mixer Featuring Four Iowa Teams

The RiverCenter is located here...

SCENE REPORT: Roller Dames vs. Derby Dames: The Shequel by Skinnerella

IRDD's Woman in Sioux City, Skinnerella, files this scene report on the Des Moines Derby Dames vs. Sioux City Roller Dames, Saturday night. She is the author of this piece.

Saturday night, Long Lines Family Recreation Center, two teams entered, one team left…then the other team left, too;  I mean, we’ve all got families and carpools and stuff. But, on the track, we were totally ruthless. Well, within reason.

After coming back for a narrow victory in our October bout against D3 in Des Moines, the Roller Dames were pumped for another highly competitive bout. D3 jumped out to an early lead, with Stella Italiana scoring 7 unanswered points in the first jam and Cosmo Disco scoring 13 in the second. Then someone told PBR we were behind, so she put up 10 unanswered points while Stella Italiana was in the penalty box, bringing the score to and even 29-29.

Roller Dames kept a narrow lead for the next few jams, then Dubbs, in against Stella, got lead jammer and was all set to widen the lead when she got sent to the penalty box (oh noooooo!). Stella scored 20 points in the jam, bringing the score to 50-34. Both teams defenses kept the scores low for the rest of the half, but D3 maintained a 20ish-point lead until the buzzer sounded.

Soooo, after the tournament, we had decided that we were no longer a second-half team. Really. But, honestly, would Rocky IV have been a good movie if Sly Stallone had knocked Drago out in the third round? Of course not!

WeLiveInSodHouses played a short set during halftime and they were so good, I went out the next day and bought a tamborine and a tub of mustache wax!

Funsize started the second half in the box, luckily, Dames’ Great Wall of Heiney kept Stella scoreless. The Roller Dames crept back and were soon within 7 points of the lead, then this happened: D3 jammers were in the box for 5 out of 6 consecutive jams. On one occasion, Stella was sent to the box, saving Mo Payne from serving out a 2-minute stint. This was a game-changer, which allowed the Dames to rack up 3 grand slams and, over the course of these 6 jams, outscore D3 34-6. In the next to last jam, Mo Payne put up 3 grand slams of her own, driving the last nails into D3′s coffin.  The final score was 126-149, Roller Dames.

Big thanks to the Derby Dames, their refs, crew and fans for coming out to play with us, and also for reminding us that if you can’t say something nice, you should probably just give them the finger. (-;

FINAL FROM SIOUX CITY: Sioux City Defeats D3

The Sioux City Roller Dames have swept the fall installment of the Battle of the Dames by knocking off the Des Moines Derby Dames 149-126 in Sioux City.

The win places Sioux City at 4-1 (plus their undefeated championship run in the Rollin Along The River 3 Tournament) on their season thus far, while D3 falls to 1-2 on their short fall schedule.

November 13: Battle of the Dames II- D3 Ventures To Sioux City For Second Installment

The second Battle of the Dames looks to be one of the bigger matches of the fall as the Des Moines Derby Dames (1-1) face the Sioux City Roller Dames, who are carrying over their winning ways from the end of their last season, hanging up a 3-1 record and winning the Rollin' Along The River Tournament without a single loss. D3's sole loss on the season was against Sioux City by a mere 8 points last month in Des Moines.

Long Lines Family Rec Center is located here...

D3's Toxic Moss, MOAB, and Neurosis Cut Their Hair for "Locks of Love"

Scene Report: Go Go Berserk Of The Quad City Rollers Files This Report Saturday's Double Header In Davenport

 NOTE: Go Go Berserk plays with the Quad City Rollers: River Bend Bombers  and is the Alternative Captain of the Quad City Rollers: Rock Island Line. She is the author of this piece.

Going into our second double header of the season, we had a renewed sense of excitement in our league due to recent and long awaited expansion changes. Saturday we re-introduced ourselves to the area & our fans with our newly formed teams. Our A squad now goes by “River Bend Bombers” and our B squad is now the “Rock Island Line”. We felt a strong desire to keep our teams themed around the Quad City area which we all call home. A little back story on Rock Island Line is that the league President, Sugar & Slice, has had about a two year dream of giving a team this name since she first came forth with the idea. It’s such an awesome feeling to reach this point. QCR didn’t have enough girls to fill a roster when I began skating with them nearly two years ago.

I know that some folks couldn’t help but to notice that some long time “Rollers” skated in both bouts that night including yours truly. This is due in part to how our league has proceeded with its new organization. A squad, River Bend Bombers, have a set 10 skaters. Rock Island Line contains everyone else that has tested out on minimum skills however this B squad includes 10 possible spots for what we refer to as “floaters”. Floaters are technically B squad that can & will be called upon to play on the A squad as needed. Check out our website for the roster outline . (We do have quite a few more girls than shown that just need to be tested out & placed so if someone you know seems to be missing, fear not!) This does present some of us with the opportunity to skate twice in one night. Double your pleasure, I say!

B Squad bout: Quad City Rollers-Rock Island Line (54) vs. Eastern Iowa Outlaws-Misdemeanors (81)

Mind you, the Misdemeanors may have taken our track Saturday as a team full of new skaters, we held no illusions that this would mean they would be in any sense an easy opponent to beat. We know full well who their amazing training staff consists of! Their strong blocking and solid walls were to be our ultimate demise. I gotta hand it to my girls though for keeping their attitudes positive, their penalties to a minimum and never giving up. It’s with that spirit that I know we’ve got lots to look forward to.

Our Rock Island Line introduced some newbies as well that night and (as their newly named alternate captain along-side captain, Diamond Dust) I’m so proud of their first time out. I think we all came away with that sense of pride at the things we know we did well but also know better what we need to work on. We don’t really like to think of a low scoring bout at a 27 point deficit to be anything to hang our heads about in a sport such as ours. Everyone is excited & looking forward to rematch with them on November 20th on the Outlaw’s floor.

A Squad bout: Quad City Roller-River Bend Bombers (87) vs. Des Moines Derby Dames (141)

Des Moines Derby Dames were coming to play and suffice it to say their legend preceded them. We were warned, we saw the videos but until you really try to capture & stop one Stella Italliana, you just don’t really know what you are in for. And to whomever files that girl’s sharp shoulder blades…please stop! ;0)

The first half couldn’t have been more exciting. We back & forthed it a few times on the score but always seemed to be no more than 5 points (if memory serves me) difference. We employed a few strategies that seemed to work well in the first half. Pink Taco & Lady Gotcha were keeping the points coming quite well with the aide of our blocking strategies.

But then there was the second half which going in still seemed could be anybodies game. Once again we find ourselves receiving far more penalties than we care to have racked up and when we short ourselves bodies on the track it is just a lot to expect to keep the initial momentum going the same.

Before the bout was complete we watched two team mates skate away for reaching their 7th trip to the box. D3 put up a few large jams that half as well so then the obvious result would unfold.

We had a great time with both teams that night and always do our best to come away having learned more about ourselves. Thanks again to the Eastern Iowa Outlaws-Misdemeanors and to the Des Moines Derby Dames for a great night and a great challenge.

Coming up…

The Quad City Rollers-River Bend Bombers are thrilled to be headed to Iowa City on Saturday October 30th for a second Monster’s Brawl with our great friends and fierce opponents the Old Capital City Roller Girls. Cannot wait to bash it up with them again!

Des Moines Derby Dames: It Gets Better Video

The Des Moines Derby Dames have produced what is no doubt the most important video that any Iowa Roller Derby Team has put out so far.

By joining the "It Gets Better" movement that has gained momentum in the wake of the recent suicides of gay teenagers, most notably Rutgers University student Tyler Clement, D3 may have saved someones life.

If you are reading this and you are in a situation where people are bullying you because of your sexual orientation, or the fact that people just see you as different, and you are contemplating suicide, take a step back, sit down and watch this video. Call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline immediately if you feel like hurting yourself. If you are a teenager and are Gay or questioning and you are also losing the will to live and are thinking about harming yourself, you can also contact The Trevor Project.

As D3 said, it gets better. You can make it through this time and then you don't have to deal with the people who torment you anymore if you don't want to. In the meantime, the resources are out there to help you. The love of many people, like D3 and myself, goes out to you. Every person in the world has an inherent dignity and value. You are no different. You have something to offer in this rich tapestry of life.

Hang on. It gets better.

FINAL FROM DAVENPORT: Des Moines Derby Dames Triumph over Quad City Rollers

The Des Moines Derby Dames defeated the Quad City Rollers 141-87 in the second of a doubleheader at the RiverCenter in Davenport, Saturday night.

From the official Des Moines Derby Dames Website:

The Des Moines Derby Dames have defeated the Quad City Rollers 141 to 87 on a night where it was a carousel of jammers on the line for the Mean Green. Stella Italiana, Elbow MacFearson and Cosmo Disco scored big while freshmen jammers Autopsy Turvey, Smallsbury Steak and Z'Ro Tolerance were also given their shots on the line.

Three Iowa Teams Added To WFTDA Apprentiship Program.

This is old news from one of my hiatuses from the blog, but it bears repeating. The Womens Flat Track Derby Association has granted ten teams worldwide access into the WFTDA Apprentiship Program. Three of those ten teams are from Iowa. Granted admission into this program were the Mid Iowa Rollers, The Des Moines Derby Dames and the Old Capitol City Rollers.

For more information read here.

Leagues here in the Hawkeye State are beginning to move up in the world of derby. And you will know them by the trail of opposition blockers and jammers on the floor in their wake.

October 25: Des Moines Derby Dames Free Informational Meeting at 7 Flags Center in Clive

A free special informational meeting for the Des Moines Derby Dames will take place at 7 p.m. on Monday October 25, at the 7 Flags Events Center in Clive. The team is inviting anyone out who may be interested in playing Derby out. If you decide it is for you, the teams website said you can begin practicing in November with them with no practice fee.

7 Flags Events Center is located here...

Des Moines Derby Dames vs. Sioux City Roller Dames Highlights.

Sioux City Roller Dames vs. Des Moines Derby Dames: How to Catch a Saucy Noodle and Craft a Confusing Metaphor By Skinnerella

Our woman in Sioux City, Skinnerella, gives us the scoop on the Des Moines Derby Dames vs. Sioux City Roller Dames on Saturday as only she can. She is the author of this piece.

When you talk about roller derby secret weapons, you usually think of things like a big ol’ hoss who is blindingly fast or a puny little thing that can block like nobody’s business. You never expect the cupcake, though. M.O.A.B., Des Moines Derby Dames blocker and head cupcakist, left these stealthily placed butter cream bombs right in our locker room, where we had no choice but to eat six or seven of them apiece, right before the bout.

Despite bellies laden with cupcakes, the Roller Dames persevered, jumping out to a 9-0 lead, after the first two jams. Dames and Dames swapped the lead several times during the first half, with D3 racking up lots of quick scores and Sioux City playing our feast-or-famine style of derby, putting up 0 points in one jam then 18 in the next.

D3 made up some major ground when they put Stella Italiana in to jam 4 in a row, bringing the score to 43-44. If you’ve never seen Stella jam, let me try to describe it for you with a little help from my good friend, Chef Boyardee. With her slight build, Stella looks like the spaghetti noodle that snuck into the beef ravioli can. She is as slippery as a spaghetti-o and harder to catch than the last meatball floating around in the sauce. Oh, and did I tell you she leaps? There’s no fitting canned pasta metaphor here, homegirl’s just got mad hops.

With D3 only one point shy of a tie, PBR lined up to jam, ringing up 23 (What!?) points and giving Sioux City a 20 point lead. Sioux City proceeded to only score one more point over the next 5 jams, allowing D3 to claw their way back (not literally, they were all really lovely girls). We retired to the locker room with the score 65-68, Roller Dames.

During halftime, D3 introduced us all to their new D3 league team, the Crash Test Dolls. We were so happy for our fellow dames and their new expansion team, that we decided we should eat some more cupcakes to celebrate.

Fueled by chocolate and oh-so-creamy frosting, we again took the floor. In the first jam of the second half, D3 pitted Elbow Macfearson (winner of my favorite name honor, after someone explained it to me) against Funsize. Elbow eked out a 3 point lead before calling the jam. Next up for Sioux City was PBR who again put up a big number (14) and pulled our team back into the lead. After a couple of solid jams by Cosmo Disco, D3 had again tied the score, paving the way for Stella Italiana to snatch the lead back for Des Moines. Well then, of course Sum Mo Payne said, “Gaw-lee, y’all! It’s not that hard! Just score more points than them!” So she did; putting up 12 and outscoring D3 by 7.

Dames’ jammers, Mo, Dubbs, PBR and Funsize hung on to that lead like it was the last parachute on a plummeting airplane. Meanwhile Sioux City’s blockers had finally figured out how to manage Stella Italiana. Through the first half, we just couldn’t manage to get ahold of her. Our 2 and 2 blocking and even 3-walls still left her plenty of space to get by. So we built a 4-wall; eight of our big ol’ butt cheeks lined up like pretty maids all in a row, proved impenetrable, well, relatively so. Felony Convixxen, The Annihilatrix and Dubbs realized that it was not impossible to knock Stella off of her skates, exceedingly difficult, yes, but not impossible.

Stella Italiana put up 79 of D3’s 145 total points, but the bout was by no means “The Stella Show”. D3 jammers, Minnie Sotuff and Cosmo Disco had impressive performances, while Elbow Macfearson, Toxic Moss and Ella Diablo, just to name a few, made our jammers’ job about as frustrating as potty training a ferret; I mean, it’s possible, but it sure isn’t easy.

PBR scored 75 of Sioux City’s 153 points, including 14, 15 and 23-point jams. T-vicious pulled off some wicked hits and wound up with her very first case of nasty rink rash. Can you get some kind of weird skin infection from 7-Up residue in an open wound?

The start whistle for the last jam sounded with 45 seconds left on the clock. Stella was heads up against PBR, with 12 points needed for D3 to tie. Stella put up a quick 5, and then called the jam with 3 seconds left on the clock. It would have been a great strategy, had someone called a timeout, but if anyone did, the refs didn’t see it. The last seconds ticked off the clock, the final buzzer sounded and, after several excruciating seconds, the final score of 145-153 lit up the scoreboard. It was sweaty hugs and boobilicious chest bumps all around for the Roller Dames. This was, by far the closest and most exciting bout of our season and we can’t wait to see the Derby Dames here on our home turf on November 13. And, um, if anyone wants to bring any cupcakes or anything, you know (wink, wink, M.O.A.B.), that’d be cool too.

October 23: Quad City Rollers Double Header: Quad City Rollers A Team Vs. Des Moines Derby Dames: B Team Vs. Eastern Iowa Outlaws: Misdemeanors

The RiverCenter is located here...

FINAL FROM CLIVE: Sioux City Defeats D3 by 8 Points In Intense Match

FINAL FROM CLIVE: Sioux City Roller Dames squeak by Des Moines Derby Dames 153-145

 Shout Out to Left 4 Deadwards for the score. 

D3 B Team Named "Crash Test Dolls"

The Des Moines Derby Dames announced tonight at halftime of their bout against Sioux City that the name of their new B team will be, as voted on by their fans online, The Crash Test Dolls.

Here is their logo

HALFTIME IN CLIVE: Sioux City Leads D3...But Not By Much

HALFTIME FROM CLIVE: Sioux City Roller Dames lead the Des Moines Derby Dames in a nail biter 68-65. Shout out to Left 4 Deadwards of OCCRG for the score.

TONIGHT: Des Moines Derby Dames Vs. Sioux City Roller Dames

What has Show Stopper and the Des Moines Derby Dames been working on this summer? Tonight, this and many other questions will be answered 7 p.m. at the 7 Flags Center Events Center, 2100 NW 100th St. Suite A in Clive tonight.

D3 faces a very formidable test tonight from the Sioux City Roller Dames, who are rapidly ascending to elite status withing the Iowa

Derby Scene.

Read D3's bout preview here.

7 Flags Event Center is located here...

Vote Now In D3's Name The Team Contest

The Des Moines Derby Dames' Name the Team Contest has moved into the next phase as voting has commenced on the top five choices. Voting is open through September 30th.

D3 Profile in The Grand Views

A brief profile of the Des Moines Derby Dames from September 17th.

Name The New Des Moines Derby Dames Team

Things are progressing quite nicely in the Des Moines Derby Dames League. So well in fact that they are offering a $200 bounty for the fan who can name the second team in the league.

Details can be found here.