Scene Report: Sioux CIty vs. Norfolk (Neb.) By Skinnerella

IRDD's Sioux City correspondent Skinnerella is back with another excellent scene report. She is also back on the track . Skinnerella is the author of this piece.

Sioux City--This morning I, like many of you, I'm sure, woke up covered in fresh bruises, stinking of stale sweat, wondering, "What the hell happened last night?" Well, I don't know what happened to you, but roller derby is what happened to the Sioux City Roller Dames and the Norfolk Bruizin' Betties! It was like one big, happy family, only with less drinking and crying. We mixed the teams and split into two squads: Team Kill vs. The Unicorns. Norfolk's team, being brand new and still fresh and crisp from the box, got the great experience of teaming up with some of the veteran members of the Dames.

It was a night of many firsts; for some of the girls, it was their first time on a track, or even their first time on skates since graduating from the pony princess pom-pom model, and others (ahem, yours truly among them) popped their jammer cherry. First time jammers, including Cream Ur Soda and Capitana Feisty for The Unicorns and Miss Ruthless and Lolly Rocket Pop for Team Kill, made epic (or at the very least, novel) showings against some of the most formidable ass-walls in the game. Watch out for these ladies; you WILL hear about them again.

As impressive as the fresh meat looked, you couldn't help but notice the perfectly aged steaks skating around the track (that's it for the meat metaphor, I swear). Mo Payne scored a baffling 24 points in the third jam of the game, putting Team Kill securely in the lead. The Unicorns kept their horns to the grindstone, keeping the game within reach, and went into halftime 20 points down.

In the second half, everyone was finally in a groove and that groove led directly to the penalty box. Unicorns made up some ground with Team Kill's jammers tethered to the box with rubber bands. Meanwhile, Crystal Carnage, Team Kill's ridiculously pregnant bench coach screamed so loud that her fetus almost stormed right out of her womb to ask her mommy to keep it down.

We all love to score, but derby isn't derby without some big ol' hits. Felony Convixen, blocking for Team Kill, cleaned Hana Filaxis' clock, her watch and her kitchen timer, too. Your very own Skinnerella got launched at the scoring table; I played it cool, like I just flew over to say hi to Derek in the middle of a jam, but Felony Convixen bought my plane ticket. Psych-a-della reminded everyone why they are called the Suicide Seats when she gracefully took out an entire row of chairs.

All in all, it was quite a bargain for a night of free roller derby. The final score was 121-154, Team Kill. But really, when you spend the evening knocking the crap out of your best friends, everybody wins.