Going Mental, or Deciding Not to
9 years ago
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Vote Now In D3's Name The Team Contest
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
October 23: SCRD Presents 3rd Annual "Rolling Along The River" Tourney
Long Lines Family Rec. Center Is Located Here:
Quad City Rollers Profiled On QCOnline
October 9th: Eastern Iowa Outlaws Inaugural Home Bout as EIO Felons Take On Wisconsin River Valley
Dubuque Five Flags Center is located here...
Mid Iowa Rollers Recruitment starts 7 p.m. Thursday at Skate South in Des Moines
Skate South is located here.
Monday, September 20, 2010
A Note on the Cedar Rapids-Eastern Iowa Situation
Upon hearing reports trickle in regarding a player exodus from the Cedar Rapids Rollergirls, which included A Few Screws Lucy, Ali AssassinatHer, Krash Saunders, Lemme Adam and Kentucky Pain, I was ready to sound the death knell them. How could any league come back from that?
Thankfully I was wrong.
Since the exodus, CRRG not only did not split up, they have been thriving as of late with the Helldorados on a two game winning streak and a seemingly refreshed attitude.
So what happened? Much has been made of the why and wherefore of what happened. Theories have been tossed about concerning why players left and what the plans of the Eastern Iowa Outlaws, the league where many CRRG girls who left wound up. In the interest of full disclosure, I should add that two of EIO's co-founders, Dead Lee Danni and V-Train, came out of the CRRG league. The theories I have heard tossed around are so ridiculous and contemptible that they are not worthy enough to even post on this blog.
Still, I will weigh in on what happened.
We have all heard of the term "team chemistry" countless times. It's cliche. Yet it's true. Chemistry is an essential part of what makes a great team. Each derby girl is a element in that team mixture. Sometimes everything comes together and the mix runs smoother than a rhapsody. Other times it doesn't work out. Its not the fault of the elements/derby girls in most cases.
This leads me to believe that this split may be one of the few that benefits all those involved. Does that mean that we should all desire that splits like this should occur? Not at all. Roller Derby is a family and family arguments are the ones that hurt the most. It should be the priority of the Derby community and those of us who write about derby to encourage healing and reconciliation between members of the two leagues who may have loose ends to tie up.
Judging from conversations with people in both leagues, I believe there is every reason to be optimistic that whatever rifts exist between the two leagues will eventually achieve reconciliation and future CRRG-EIO bouts look very likely. Even if I am wrong on this, since derby is a family, it is best to keep whatever issues that caused the rifts "in house" and not to be speculated about on the internet.
In the meantime, we derby fans have much to look forward too. CRRG has two more games to capitalize on the Helldorados two game winning streak. EIO will be bringing to gospel of derby to the Tri-State Area starting on Oct. 9 with their first home bout.
Long live the Cedar Rapids Rollergirls and long live the Eastern Iowa Outlaws and damn anyone who says different.
Sioux City Roller Dames v. Muddy River Nightmares: A Terrifying Dream About A Monster With 26 Butt Cheeks, 13 Chins And 104 Little Wheels By Skinnerella
Big things are also with the scene reports of Skinnerella, IRDD's Correspondent in Sioux City. Not only did Skinnerella once again deliver the goods with her distinctive outlook on her team, she now has her husband doing statistics to provide us with an even better picture of what went on in the bout. Skinnerella is a member of the Sioux City Roller Dames and is the writer of this piece.
Is there anything, anyplace, anytime better than roller derby on a Saturday night? Seriously. It has everything: beautiful women with their giant thighs, vicious hits, the real possibility that you will see someone get hurt and, of course, the soothing aroma of derby girls, a smell that calls to mind the safety and comfort of living inside a giant’s sweaty belly button. Yes, my friends, we had all of these wonders and more at the Roller Dames’ home opener on Saturday night. We hosted the Muddy River Nightmares of Clinton, IA, joined by one of the finest specimens in the derby world, Lolli Popya, of the Mid Iowa Rollers.
The Dames jumped out to an early lead, with Dubbs and Funsize scoring 17 unanswered points in the first two jams. While we all thumb-pecked “OMG we are sooo awesome” into our Droids, Lolli Popya and Syphiliz scored 12 points, while the Muddy River blockers shut the Dames offense down. Luckily PBR reminded us that we were playing roller derby when she scored 22 points in the next jam. Meanwhile, behind the façade of this innocent looking legal aide attorney, The Annihialatrix knocked the pee pee out of Muddy River jammer, Ooton.
Dames D-ttt (that’s a fence, y’all) kept Muddy River scoreless through the next five jams while Dubbs rung up a 20-point jam and PBR had another excellent 15-point jam. PBR and Dubbs were all over Muddy River like freckles on Dave Mustane’s bottom, outscoring the opposing jammers by 53 and 52 points, respectively. When they took their jammer panties off, these two were crushing (mostly legally) the Muddy River jammers.
For Muddy River, Ooton and Lolli Popya both scored 14-point jams. Lolli Popya scored a total of 72 points in the game, with 8 grand slams. Krystallica, who scored 37 total points, had her shoulder up in everyone’s business, blowing holes in the red wall. I named my blue-speckled butt cheek Krystallica Jr., after its daddy.
Dames had a comfortable lead at the half, with a score of 160-91. Maybe we ate too many bananas, maybe we didn’t get our underpants back on straight, whatever the case, we had a rough start in the second half, getting shut out 5 of the first 6 jams. Luckily, Dubbs, Felony and Spanky Bottoms took up the slack and kept the Muddy River jammers under control.
We steadily stretched our lead through the second half, but Muddy River kept it competitive and exciting. Lolli Popya was everywhere and nowhere, blocking Sum Mo Payne at the back of the pack, disappearing, then reappearing at the front of the pack to block her again; it was like there was a wrinkle in the matrix.
Dames’ Lil’ Mizfit, who hadn’t jammed during the bout, went in as jammer in the final minute and put up twenty-m-f-ing-one points! Really! 21! It was nuts. It was insanity. It was the second-largest scoring swing in the entire bout. I sure hope Mizfit likes shiny stars, because I think she’ll be wearing them a lot more often.
The final score was 260-155, Dames. The Muddy River Nightmares, despite being a relatively young team, played clean and solid roller derby throughout. They are a team that will, no doubt, get stronger with every bout that they play and I, for one, can’t wait to play them again. Thanks to all of the ladies and gents of Muddy River for coming all the way out to our side of the state.
**You may have noticed that this blog was teeming with numbers and stats, even though everybody knows that mama’s little bumpkin can’t count to 20 with her shoes on. You can thank my husband and life-long abacus, who took detailed notes. Nothing is sexier than skillful note-taking.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
FINAL FROM CEDAR RAPIDS: Helldorados Continues Their Winning Ways Knocking Off Bleeding Heartland
CRRG: Helldorados captured their second win in a row after the split on Saturday night at the U.S. Cellular Center with a 122-109 victory over the Bleeding Heartland: Code Blue Assassins.
On an interesting side note, Bleeding Heartland was founded by Motley Cruel, who went on to be the founder of the Cedar Rapids Rollergirls. Motley Cruel served as co-bench coach for the Helldorados Saturday night.
FINAL FROM DAVENPORT: Quad City Falls To Old Capitol City in Season Opener.
The win puts Old Capitol City at 7-2 for their season. It also introduces a very interesting potential scenario into the Iowa Roller Derby scene. As mentioned on this blog earlier, the Mid Iowa Rollers have the distinction of the only undefeated record thus far in the young history of the new Derby in the Hawkeye state, which they accomplished this season. Yet during this same 2011 season, with two games remaining on their schedule, Old Capitol City has the opportunity to capture the single season win record. Should they run out the schedule they will finish with 9 wins on the year in comparison to 8 wins that MIR put up in its undefeated season.
Shout out to IRDD's Des Moines Derby Dames Correspondent Neuro Sis for the score. She informs me that Old Capitol City was buoyed by excellent defense by Bat-R-Up and Zom B. Blokr, while a string of penalties hampered the Quad City cause.
FINAL FROM SIOUX CITY: Roller Dames Defeat Muddy River
Thanks to Skinnerella for the score.
Friday, September 17, 2010
SATURDAY NIGHT DERBY: Quad City Rollers (0-0) vs. Quad City Rollers (6-2) Plus Fresh Meat Grinder
The RiverCenter is located here...
Scene Report: 9/11 La Crosse Planet Revels vs. Sioux City Roller Dames: Carbed, Banged and Set on Fire By Skinnerella
When a Skating Siren gives you a sack full of snacks, a condom and a lighter, what would you think? I was half expecting to get carbed up, banged and then set on fire, but, alas, we just played some wacky-smackin’, awesome roller derby. The La Crosse Skating Sirens, playing as Planet Revels in memory of local author and derby diehard, Andy Revels, hosted the Dames at the swanky, lumpy and bumpy La Crosse Center . The duct-taped divots on the track were not the trip-traps that we expected, which was just perfect, since we tripped each other quite enough without any help from the floor.
Make no mistake, Dames played our little hearts out, but with only 9 players and jammers who had just skated across South Dakota only seven days before, we felt like we were pushing a boulder up a hill. But push we did; we made Sisyphus look like a punk. T-vicious laid a monster hit on Siren, Tor Tor U Up. The Annihiatrix (or Anal Tricks, as some announcers call her) got a little too excited and kablammed a Siren blocker with her elbow, getting herself sent to the naughty box. We lost the lead as quickly as we had snatched it up and soon were 16 points down.
Then within a few minutes of halftime, Dames blocker/pivot Spanky Bottoms took an awkward fall and didn’t get back up for a few really long minutes. We crossed all of our fingers and toes, hoping she was alright; we’ve never been so relieved to see someone drag themselves up off the concrete and limp away. Spanky is tougher to crack than a turtle shell, so we knew that if she could stand up, she would be back on the track in the second half.
The score was 74-64, Sirens at the half, still well within reach. During halftime the Sirens shared a really heartfelt tribute to their late friend, author Andy Revels. We all stopped thinking about winning, losing, scoring and blocking for a while. We all felt honored to be a part of the Andy Revels memorial bout.
After a halftime regroup in the locker room, we came back out and, with the Sirens’ jammer in the box, we brought the score back to within 5 points. But, alas, our three road-weary jammers were getting tired. Blocker Felony Convixxen was layin’ down the law on the track, punching holes in the Sirens’ 3-wide front wall.
By the second half, we had figured out the Sirens’ game: take the frontline and keep it fast when our jammer is on the floor; hang back, goat and keep it slow when our jammer is in the box. We unlocked the great mystery, just like Dan Brown! There was just one problem that even Jesus and Mary couldn’t remedy: we were 5 girls short of a full roster.
Sirens stretched their lead to 46 points. Luckily, we didn’t notice and just kept grinning and skating. With less than three minutes left in the bout, we were within 11 points of the lead. With 1:40 left on the clock, PBR takes lead jammer and calls it with enough time for at least one more jam. In the next jam, Dubbs takes the lead, and then calls it off quickly before the Sirens get a chance to score. With 27 seconds on the clock and the score at 154-135, we all know that the next jam will be our last chance. Mo Payne is our jammer and she takes the lead while Sirens’ jammer Giggity Giggity goes to the box. We could all see the sunshine peeking through the clouds. We held our breath. Then the great unicorn in the sky peed all over our sunshine and stabbed our hope with her great, sharpened horn. Mo Payne, bless her big ol’ heart, could only manage to eek out 11 points, which is a great jam, but just not quite enough to give us the win.
The final score was 154-146, Sirens. It was a competitive and exciting bout from start to finish. We were all impressed with the Sirens’ sportsmanship, athleticism and generosity, both on and off the track. Win or lose, we had a blast before, during and, as far as I can remember, after the bout. Thanks, Skating Sirens!
Name The New Des Moines Derby Dames Team
Details can be found here.
SATURDAY NIGHT DERBY: CRRG Helldorados (Record Unknown) vs. Bleeding Heartland Code Blue Assassins
The U.S. Cellular Center is located here:
HIATUS OVER
Being as that I can no longer take being away from the derby scene, the aforementioned hiatus is over. I'm back.
SATURDAY NIGHT DERBY: Sioux City Roller Dames (1-1) vs. Muddy River Nightmares (Record Unknown)
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